Good morning! Today I am blog swapping with Daisy from When Life Gives You Lemons, Add Vodka. So after reading her post, head over to her site for my post about Zero Food Waste!
Daisy is a Canadian blogger who runs the blog When Life Gives You Lemons, Add Vodka. When she’s not grappling for self-improvement on her blog and Twitter, she spends copious amounts of her not-so-free time perusing Pinterest and daydreaming. You can follow her on Twitter or contact her at addvodka@gmail.com.
Nobody will deny this: money and relationships are tricky. I doubt that will ever change. They conflict with each other. Money is a stressor, love is a relaxer. Money is the “root of all evil”, and love is the root of all good.
And since everyone has to deal with money in some way, it’s going to affect a relationship.
I can say with some surety that my partner and I have a mostly harmonious relationship when it comes to money, and here is why:
We Addressed It At the Beginning
This wasn’t intentional because we were young and didn’t know anything about money, but when my partner and I first met, we addressed the money issue within months of our relationship.
I have always known how much money he made, and he has always known what I made. We’ve always known each other’s pay schedules, how much one another had in savings (or debt, in my case) and what our struggles were.
We’ve been together since I was 18 and he was 22, and back then, we didn’t know what we were doing with money. We’re lucky we addressed it at the beginning.
It’s All Out in the Open
We’ve never kept secrets from one another when it comes to money. As I mentioned, we know each other’s savings, debts, and goals.
This makes it a bit hard to surprise him (and for him to surprise me) with something that’s a little expensive, because we would notice the money coming out of our accounts.
I think this is extremely important when it comes to money and relationships. Being transparent and not hiding anything from your partner is a cornerstone of success. Even hiding small purchases is extremely dangerous.
Secrecy with money is a breeding ground for other problems in a relationship.
We Have Our Own Money
I am one of those people that think it’s dangerous to combine finances completely. I’m not saying that having a couple of shared accounts is bad, and we’ll probably do that when we’ve tied the knot. But having our own money, in our own accounts, away from the scrutiny of the other, is a very important factor in our good money relationship.
We have completely separate finances right now, as we are not yet married. We know the passwords to one another’s online banking, so it truly is all out in the open.
When we are married we will maintain our own savings and retirement accounts. We will be opening a shared account when we purchase a house together.
We are not the same person so it’s important to maintain our own money as well.
We Are Individuals
The above point brings me to the this:
We are individuals. We have different goals, different aspirations, different priorities for our money.
This doesn’t mean that we’re not a good match, and that we don’t share some of the same goals, but rather that we’ve been able to maintain our individuality throughout our relationship.
Because of these differences, we have learned to respect each other’s financial goals and encourage each other to meet those goals, but also work toward our own.
I don’t expect my partner to invest in my early retirement, as he wants to continue working. He doesn’t expect me to shell out some cash to fix up his fishing boat (a project he has going on right now).
Spending your life with somebody should not mean living that somebody’s life. A crucial part of having a harmonious relationship with your partner over money is respecting that person’s financial goals.
Relationships can easily be negatively affected by money issues, and we avoid those issues by ensuring we are transparent, give each other some freedom, and respect each other’s goals.
How do you ensure a happy money relationship with your partner?
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You are so right about relationships being easily negatively impacted by money. I think that prior to making any kind of long term commitment to the person you need to make sure you are on the same page when it comes to money. Otherwise things can get really messy down the track.
Glen @ Monster Piggy Bank recently posted..Has Christmas Become too Commercial?
I think that there are some couples that will work, even with completely different money personalities. As long as you can make a system that works for both members!
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I’m in agreement for the most part, but Mr. PoP and I are firmly on the side of combining finances all the way. For us, it’s a bit part of being on the same team and working together toward shared goals. We think it makes our marriage stronger.
Anecdotally, all the couples that we’ve known who have been married and divorced over the last decade had separate finances. I know that’s not causation, but there was definitely a lot of mistrust and hiding things that was enabled by that.
Anyhow, just my $0.02 for the day =)
Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted..What Am I Gonna Do With A Gun Rack?
Different things will work for different couples. If couples aren’t going to work because of money, I think that it’s going to happen regardless of combined finances.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I totally agree that money can be a huge issue in a relationship, especially when goals are so different. That’s great that’s you and your boyfriend are open and honest about finances ad many don’t get that far.
That said I would have to agree with Mrs. Pop on this one. When my wife and I got married we combined everything as we view it as being a part of a team and everything goes together. We each get allowance to do with as we please and have our own credit cards to use so we can surprise each other over the Holidays and such. Retirement accounts have to be separate, but other than that all is together. Like Mrs. Pop, it makes our marriage stronger and more intimate.
In the end though, we’re all different. You have to go with what works for you and not everyone else.
John S @ Frugal Rules recently posted..A Frugal Person’s View on Holiday Tipping
With different retirement accounts and credit cards, your way of doing it is only one tiny bit different than our way – we just don’t do the allowance thing; we’ll let each other have our own spending accounts. But other than that, I think we’re on the same page. Money is hard because it’s so personal.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
We are also firmly on the side of combining finances as a married couple. However, the most important thing is to communicate about money and to be on the same page. We believe that combining finances forces you to do that and to be accountable to each other. But, different things work for differnet people.
Greg@ClubThrifty recently posted..Guarding Your Personal Information from Corporate Interests
I see a pattern in this that most couples combine ALL of the money. I’m not against combining, it’s just that combining 100% is not for us. I agree though – no two couples are the same!
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I’m with you on the separate finances. We have a joint account for all the household stuff, but there is no reason I should saddle my wife with the payments for the bad money decisions I made before we got married.
Edward Antrobus recently posted..Bad Behaviors at a Company Holiday Party
That’s another way to look at it. I have a student and car loan that my partner shouldn’t have to deal with but at the same time, I would be okay with helping him with his loan if he had the same thing.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
How do we ensure a happy money relationship? By talking about it! I always let my wife know where we stand on credit cards and investments and such, and that shapes what we can and cannot afford. Before you’re married, its tough. We also had separate finances up until we were officially married. But we still talked about everything. Like all issues in the house, money is one of those things that is better out in the open and not just swept under the rug.
My Money Design recently posted..Retirement Saving Starts Now! Where to Begin
Exactly. Money is going to be an issue in every relationship if you LET it be an issue.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
Communication and transparency are so important in a mutually respected partnership. I also am a proponent of combining finances after marriage because vows are a blending of your new life together, for better or worse. So choose a worthy companion, and hopefully one of you has some financial sense to wisely guide the family coffers.
Jennifer Lynn @ Broke-Ass Mommy recently posted..Words of Caution: Things I Am Not.
I’m lucky in that I think we both have some good financial sense. But we’re still young and I’m sure we’ll make some more mistakes. We can only learn from things.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
Our finances have been combined from day one and we love it. Some years I make more money than him and some years he makes more than I do. No big deal. We have our own accounts and accounts that we share. We share all of the bills as well. Our lives are quite similar so it works very well for us.
Tackling Our Debt recently posted..Blog Planner – An Effective Way to Organize and Manage Your Blog
If you have similar goals it makes it a lot easier to do the combination thing. We don’t have the same bills, since I came into the relationship with some student and car debt.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I think openness is the key to it all. While my gf and I don’t know each other’s passwords and whatnot. We’ve always been very open about how much we make, and generally how much we have in our accounts at any given time.
Money is a cause of a lot of problems in many relationships and I think the more open you can be about it from the start the better your chances will be of avoiding that stress in your relationship down the road.
The First Million is the Hardest recently posted..Simplify Your Life – Automate Your Finances
So true. Even if you are open about the bad things about it, at least you can help each other through it!
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I think so many people are afraid to “poison” their relationship with money talk. The problem is that once you’re married your money is joined whether or not you want it to be.
The government doesn’t care about your religious views of marriage. Really the only reason governments sanction marriages is because of financial reasons. Debts, inheritances, financial rights ect…
If you don’t address it in the beginnings, your marriage may be short lived.
Justin@TheFrugalPath recently posted..Time Saving Tips for Couponers
Money can poison things, yes, but so can not mentioning things – it’s the elephant in the room, usually. You’re right about the financial side when it comes to the government and marriage – I never thought of it.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
Well said, relationships can be very tricky especially if it has something to do with money. You are right, we have to address these issues from the beginning. Building a harmonious money relationship is important.
Without a good money relationship, it’s hard to build up a good relationship in other areas, too
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
We have everything combined and love it. It’s just easier for us and works. We also openly discuss debts and how we’re working on them.
Catherine recently posted..Fun and Frugal Dinner Parties
To each their own
Discussion is key!
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I think you should each have a set amount of fun money each month that doesn’t need to be accounted for, but the rest needs to be out in the open. It’s so hard to save and stay out of debt if you aren’t on the same page. We learned that the hard way but are very open now about everything financial.
Kim@Eyesonthedollar recently posted..What Will the Fiscal Cliff Mean to Health Care?
It’s great that you could change it and become more open.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out
I got married a little over a year ago and we combined our finances pretty quickly. My wife’s debt is my debt and vice versa. We have similar financial goals so we support one another in the pursuit of those goals. I’m not sure how I feel about having separate accounts once you are married; I think at that point you should be committed to combining them. Every couple is different, tho!
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted..Saving Money on Entertainment and Hobbies
I’m not advocating 100% separate accounts. But separate checking accounts is how we will be dealing with it.
Daisy @ Add Vodka recently posted..The Zero Food Waste Challenge: 10 Tips to Avoid Throwing Food Out