Morning! Today I am happy to welcome Joe Saul-Sehy who will talk about how having mentors can push you to achieve much more than you thought possible. Let me know if you would like to guest post on RFI. A new post is up on Make Money Your Way about how you can market your skills and find a tutoring gig. Head over there to find more!
On the edge of my desk sits a square called “Life Coach in a Box.” I bought it off one of those discount tables at Barnes and Noble. How awesome, I thought, I’ve paid coaches before but now I can harness the power of coaching without having to talk to anybody.
That’s like Chicken Soup for my cheap-ass introverted soul.
I’ve never opened it.
If there are secrets out there that we need to find, we think we’d go seek them out. I certainly do. You can find me at least once a day lost in a Bing search (I use Bing because they give rewards for searching, people….I love free Amazon bucks…..) on an arcane topic. But great coaches don’t replace Bing. A great coach gets rid of the searches and points out the important morsels.
My History of Coaches
Seriously, I first hired a life coach because I was curious. I’d never had one before and personally thought it sounded like a colossal waste of money. Life coach. Who the hell needs some woman telling me how to live my life? Hell, I have a spouse and a daughter, and they give me plenty of err…strategies…that I can improve. Believe me…. suggestions galore.
This particular life coach woman happened to be considering me to manage some money at the same time. I thought, “Well, she’s trying out my service, I should try out hers.”
It blew me away.
Changes I Never Imagined
The first thing we did was complete a survey called “The Wheel.” It was a simple pie chart on a sheet of paper. I don’t remember all of the categories anymore, but they were simple: Spirituality, Work, Friends, Children, Spouse, Finances, Health, Mental Health. My job was to rate each of these on a scale of 1 – 10. Then we discussed the specific reasons why I’d rated some areas a “5” while others scored a “9.”
During these discussions my new coach remarked people had a tendency to focus on the negative. Although we were going to work on those, we were going to first focus on the positives and make sure that we leaned on these. There are reasons that I excel in some areas of life: I’d created successful systems in those particular places. The challenge was going to be to study those successes and attempt to replicate those in other areas of life, so that I’d achieve the results we wanted.
I learned a few great lessons:
- Schedule time. I was great at my job because I had a strict schedule. If I did this in other, not-as-successful parts of my life, I’d have a shot of success there, also.
- Remember my body rhythm. I’m a morning person. This created problems when it came to health because I was trying to work out in the afternoon, when my schedule was jam packed. At the time I thought that if I worked out in the afternoon it’d be a great stress reliever. I’d break up the stressful day with a nice three mile jog or a swim in the pool across the street from work.
In theory, this was awesome, but in practice it was a disaster. By the time the afternoon came around, I had no desire to work out, and was nearly always behind on a variety of tasks, so I’d skip workouts nearly every day.
- Leverage your tendencies to win. I loved to eat lunch out, but if I brought a lunch, my cheap-ass tendencies would mean that I’d eat it. I started packing a lunch to save money. However, I also didn’t like to lunch alone, so I worked on relationships by organizing a book club over lunch. Now I had a brown bag session with a good book and good conversation.
Because of my coach I:
- Coached both of my kid’s soccer teams.
- Created fantastic birthday parties and fun family events.
- Attended church FAR more regularly than I would have without coaching.
- Read fiction and began watching movies.
…and the kicker:
- 4x’d the size of my business at the same time over a three year period.
The last part really didn’t compute. How was I was spending more time on activities outside of work than ever before, but having much greater success at work? My priorities lined up with my actions and I was accomplishing more without stress. In short, I was enjoying my productive time because I also had scheduled down time and family time that met my goals.
Learning:
I didn’t want to work with a coach. I only did it because I was actually trying to grow my business. Now I’m a true believer that it’s mentors and coaches that can help you achieve much more than you can on your own. I have to constantly remind myself to seek out feedback and use it to improve my product (ME) as much as possible.
Who do you get coaching from?
Joe Saul-Sehy is co-host of the popular podcast and Stacking Benjamins and writes regularly at the blog by the same name.You can find Joe on Facebook and Twitter @AverageJoeMoney.
This post was featured on Mom and Dad Money, Yakezie Carnival, thank you!
This is some great advice. I have never used a life coach and like you think (thought?) they were generally a waste of money, but it sounds like it worked out for you and I shouldn’t knock it until I tried it. I love the idea of leveraging your tendencies. If you can take advantage of those you are a step ahead of the game. I also like to eat out but if I bring a lunch to work I always eat it.
The part that worked for me was having someone who looked at situations differently than I did…and the accountability part. My coach was a hard ass!
Wow, Joe – great post! I try and do a lot of reading and learning from others, but a life coach sounds like a worthwhile investment!
It depends on how much you pay and what you’ll get for it. At the time I had cash flow coming out my ears….I needed some perspective. Now I’m negotiating with my old coach to come back and work with me but on a more limited basis that I can afford (now that things are working out well in my new career).
I’ve never actually used a coach, but I do think there are a lot of smart public people that we can learn a lot from. I’m actually trying to work on organization right now myself, with the hope that I can get to the same kind of productivity you describe here. I think your point about having systems is great. The big takeaway here is that there’s no reason to go it alone, whatever you’re doing. The ability to ask for help is a strength that should absolutely be utilized.
I read a ton also. The only thing you miss when reading success stories is that instant brutal feedback about how you’re personally doing. At first I had a really hard time with it…I’d make excuses and tell her why I couldn’t do something differently. Luckily for me, I wasn’t her first client. She could smell my BS from a mile away and told me so!
That’s a great point. Nothing like having someone on your ass to make you get things done.
“Life coach. Who the hell needs some woman telling me how to live my life? Hell, I have a spouse and a daughter, and they give me plenty of err…strategies…that I can improve.” Lol, I can so relate Joe! However, I do find that I need serious help scheduling my time. Working from home can be great, but it can seriously get derailed awfully quickly if you’re not disciplined.
That’s why I want a coach again. I find myself drifting too often and all the areas of the wheel suffer when I focus too much on one.
I’ve had people come along side and mentor me at various stages of my life and I have always found it profitable. When I don’t have one, I really miss it. Sometimes we need that voice in our ear pushing us to greater things.
I’m definitely there right now, which is why I want a coach again. While I have clear goals, I feel like my “laser focus” isn’t there.
I had a job offer once at a company that took “coaching” so to heart that they basically paid for life coaching sessions for everyone. Several of the employees I met during the interview process were considering it as a second career. I didn’t end up taking their employment offer, but the positivity in the workplace was very evident from just a short time.
At first I would have thought that was new age foo-foo BS. Now I think that’s awesome.
I attended a talk before where there were several life coaches and I’m kind of regretting that I didn’t talk to any one of them. 🙁 Anyways, thanks for sharing your experience, I’ll make sure to discuss with a life coach in the future.
If possible, it’s cheaper to find a great mentor. If you can find someone who can give you brutal advice without having to pay them…AND it’s worthwhile advice, all the better.
Great post Joe. I did not try to hire a life coach. I believe it is mere waste of money, same what DC said.
I think the result for you is worth it. That is why it gives me a second thought to try in the near future.
Thanks! A big part of it will depend on the coach. Will you listen to them? Will they mesh well with your personality? I think the interview process is really important. Paying the wrong coach won’t net you anything.
I have not had a life coach but I do have a business coach and participate in various mastermind groups. I do think it’s easy to live and work in a vacuum and having someone look in from the outside can make such a huge difference. You do have to be open to change and some constructive feedback, which unfortunately not everyone is. 🙂 Glad it made such a difference in your life. Happy 4th of July!
I’ve had business coaches and they’ve been excellent! My life coach was different in one way: while my business coaches gave me ways to improve my business, they often spilled over so that I had less time in other areas of my life (I had to sometimes ignore great advice because I didn’t want the time away from my family). My life coach was barking at me on the other end. If I spent too much time at work she reminded me constantly about my other goals.
Love this post! I too have some mentors and I have noticed some huge benefits to having them in my life. I love having someone there who is willing to sit down with me and help me work through whatever challenges I’m facing in order to help me accomplish my end goals.
I definitely need to regroup on this one, Kyle. I think I wrote this post as a kick in the ass….
I have two professional mentors – cause it’s one place I’m in a ‘holding pattern’ for. But I’ve never really considered one for life! I do think blogging has helped me, as it makes me more accountable to my goals and the like. Thanks for the post!
Thanks for stopping by, Sarah! Blogging helps keep me accountable, too. It’s nice to have a group of like-minded individuals who are all focused on goals similar to mine.
Interesting – this sounds appealing based on the testimonial! Honestly, whenever I had heard the term “life coach” before, I thought about a bossy lady who loved to hear herself talk but had no real talent. Maybe my stereotype was completely wrong. If affordable and I had a recommendation to one, I would consider it.
I’m with you, DPF. I totally felt that way. I’m not sure if a coach is for you, but like a good buddy of mine says, “It doesn’t cost anything to talk to people” about it.
Glad it helped you! I actually studied to become a life coach but didn’t finish my certification because the cost was too much and I would have needed life coaching for financial stress. I have worked with a coach though before in exchange for a video, and I found it helpful. I think it’s always helpful to just ‘work through” stuff. Not everyone needs traditional therapy, but almost everyone seems to have one area where they are stuck.
In your first video didn’t it involve walking accidentally into a life coaching seminar? I thought that was hilarious, btw.
Thanks for sharing Joe. I’ve never used any coaches before however I do read a blog by a coach and I am the person who reads books that teach. I do think having a motivator is important in all aspects of life and depending on one’s goals then maybe hiring a coach is an integral part of moving forward and understanding what you don’t already know. Cheers
I imagine life coaches are somewhat like financial advisors. Some are awesome and some couldn’t coach themselves out of a wet paper bag. I do think most people tend to focus more on the negatives, prior self included. I used to think that the more I did myself and the harder I worked the better I would be, but it’s just the opposite. By taking more time to enjoy life, I am much better at work, even if I’m not there as much. I’m trying really hard to make this point to my junior associate before he burns out like I did. Nice perspective. From now on, I won’t run whenever I hear someone say they are a life coach.
Dear Joe, I never thought that having life coach and good to know it worked well for you. In past due to lack of money or time I didn’t have one but now I am capable so I think I can go for it. Also agree that you can’t go all alone in long run, asking for help or checking with others is good point
My coaching is mainly intrinsic, but I get inspiration from a lot of people. I’ve signed up for formal mentorship programs before and didn’t find them very valuable, but I guess that’s just because you can’t force a mentoring relationship. I would really like a coach, though.