Good morning, over at Savvy Scot I will talk about teenage money, how to help without spoiling them.
For the past 3 1/2 years, safe for very rare occasions when we would be on different continents for a few weeks, BF and I have lived, worked and traveled together, spending 24 hours a day in each other’s company. And we haven’t killed each other. Yet.
Between living/working and traveling 24/7 together, I would say traveling together is way more difficult. You are out on your comfort zone and you only have each other to rely on. You are generally in smaller quarters than when you’re home, so if you fight you are both stuck in the small hotel room, and your only possessions fit in one backpack. Sure you keep in touch with family and friends on the computer but your home is your other half and when patience wears out it is hard to suddenly be on your own.
Traveling together is great, but it will put a strain on any relationship, even the best one. You get a break from each other 12 hours a day if you work. We interact with each other during those 12 hours, AND during the 12 remaining ones. Somehow it will fast track your relationship, you will feel that you have lived much more in a year than you did with a previous partner in ten. You will know intimate details of the other person, some you wish you didn’t have to know (cheap hotels have thin bathroom doors!), some you thought the other person would never open up that fast to share.
As you grow and share together, you still need to take great care of your relationship if you want it to last.
Split the tasks
As we work and travel together, each person intuitively gets to do the tasks he is more comfortable with. BF rides the bike, takes care of maintenance, oil and tire changes, packing the overweight so the bike is still balanced… I look for hotels, give him directions with the GPS, calculate time of arrival and trace the route.
At home I take care of the day to day business, run the guest house, while he supervises the workers on the 90 acres land development. When we mix, it doesn’t go well. We each have very different personalities and ways to do things. He would question my every move and always offer a more methodical solution, while I need an intuitive solution. He thinks like an engineer, I think like an artist.
It is just a matter of admitting who is good at which task and letting the other one performing it solo.
Have some me time
I am an introvert and even though I like to be around BF 24/7 I also need some me time, to blog, read a book, watch TV, go on a run… You can’t do every single thing together. He likes to fish and watch the sunrise in the hammock, I like to run early in the morning and prefer swimming than fishing. That is completely fine.
We could fish together and then swim together, each compromising to please the other, or we could use that to have some needed alone time. I occasionally go fishing, but most of the time I stay home and do my things.
Embrace the silence
When you are out all day and you come home, you tell the other one how your day went, what you did, that the dry cleaner didn’t clean the white shirt or Junior was late for soccer. We don’t have jobs to go to, we don’t have kids to fill the silence with diaper conversations. So sometimes, we don’t talk for a while. And that is ok.
Some other times, we chat for hours at a time. Some topics get us going for a very long time, and after meaningful conversation we don’t have to comment on the salad we are about to share. It may seem weird, but that day we don’t feel like talking, we don’t. We may finish the day sharing a glass of wine and talking our hearts off, or just going to bed and each reading a book. You can’t be on all the time.
Don’t fake it
You have no other choice but to be yourself in a 24/7 relationship. The other person will see you at your best, and at your worst. So no need to fight to keep the appearances, there is nowhere to hide. Just admit you are having a bad day, or a bad hair day, and move on. After a while you won’t notice the other person’s little defaults.
Generally, we have a sort of routine. We eat breakfast at 8, after an hour or so of cleaning and delegating tasks to the workers for the day. In the morning we work around the house, not seeing each other much, then have a late lunch around 2. Then we do a siesta together, have a swim around 5 and share a drink in the evening. We rarely eat dinner and are in bed by 8pm, sometimes we talk for a couple of hours, sometimes we read and email. Thankfully, we are generally in the mood for similar things at the same time, and easy to please. It takes a lot of work to make a 24/7 relationship works, but when it does then you can be sure it is a strong one.
Travelling together 24/7 was at times the hardest thing we’ve ever done. SO many tears and arguments (especially in the context of strange and hot countries and getting lost).
My own take on this here: nzmuse.com/2013/06/how-to-not-kill-your-travel-partner/
My wife and I are only around each other 24/7 when we go on vacation, which isn’t quite once a year. Because it doesn’t happen that often we really don’t get sick of each other or have issues. I think if we were around each other 24/7/365 it would be a bit different, but even in your example you two are doing different tasks during the day so that would provide for some time apart.
My wife have a very similar circumstance, with the addition of running our business and having our little ones running around. I can relate to a lot of this as we do some of the same things. I think communication is key and embracing the differences each other has so you can get things done while also having time yourself. It’s not without challenges, but it works for us.
With my wife working on her PhD (mostly at home) and me working from home, we spend nearly all day, every day together (when she’s not working abroad). I found a lot of the things you’ve written to be true, especially having a little alone time. I work in the office, she turns the kitchen table into her desk, and we can quietly work on our own stuff. Then, at the end of the work day, we come back together.
I would like to think so, but my boyfriend is usually at work for ten hours, so we have a little bit more time apart than those that truly work 9-5. We started dating before we were working full-time, but I think we were still too much into the lovey stage to be bothered by each other. I think it’s great to go do your own thing, like read, run or blog. It’s important to have “me” time and maintain a sense of self.
One of the coolest things about being married to your best friend is that you can be around them 24/7 without wanting to strangle them LoL! Apart from being married in the legal sense, one of the things I love the most about being with the Hubs is that we can’t ever seem to run out of things to talk about or adventures to go on. As long as you are giving each other some alone time or space, I think it’s perfectly great to be with your partner all the time.
Cheers – you guys seem to be having the time of your lives!! 🙂
My husband and l are together pretty much all the time. It can get hairy sometimes, especially when we are traveling, but he gets over things pretty quickly, while l take a while to cool off. We have basically the same routine, but do have alone times, me to read, surf the net, do my nails etc..while he watches football or go to the gym. I wouldn’t change a thing.
My spouse would be totally okay spending 24/7 with me, but that is waaay too much time for me. We used to work at the same location, so we commuted together, but thankfully we were in separate buildings during in the day.
I need the space and time apart and have to plan things so that it happens.
My husband I are not together 24/7 but fortunately we are very similar to one another so when we are together, we are very compatible. I think it’s great that you and your boyfriend have worked out a system where each of you own certain areas based on your natural abilities and also are confident enough that it’s okay to be silent or have other interests from one another. I see some couples really struggle with that aspect as if they are being disloyal or something. Chris and I have the same values and priorities and share many of the same passions but we also have differing interests too. To me, that’s what makes it fun. 🙂
I love spending time with my husband, but I definitely love having “me” time. We were together 24/7 when we moved across the country and towards the end we were a bit grouchy. Balance is key — I like working separately and spending down time together 🙂
If I was literally around my wife 24/7 everyday of the year I would go bonkers…and I love her more than anyone else. Everyone needs space at some point. Even though we are a couple who shares life intimately, we are also individuals with our own unique interests that have to be explored.
We spend a lot of time together as well; John works from home and I work at home a lot. It is actually quite nice – we have a separation of tasks and we share everything (this was part of the contract when we were to have our son and initiated by John). I do more of the cooking (otherwisae I’ll end up eating ‘man’-food all the time), John is better cleaning. I write more, John does the technical stuff around TMP. We share. And we argue…but not in a bad way :).
I met my ex at the beginning of a 7 month long tour, which means we spent the first seven months of our relationship spending every waking moment together and living together since our roommates on tour couldn’t put up with us sleeping over (understandably). By the end of the first year, it felt like we had been together for five
I can imagine that! I do like fast paced relationships though, why stay together for decades if you aren’t meant to be?
Better find out asap.
During weekdays I spend my time with my wife after working hour but we chat regularly while at work. I spend 24/7 only with my wife during my day off or during our one month vacation. My wife focus on inside house chores and taking care of our kids.
I don’t work with my significant other, so I can’t comment on that part of it, but I can imagine that it would be difficult to do so. I love my fiancé, but I am a solitary person for the most part and couldn’t imagine being around one person all the time, 24/7. Like you said, having “me” time is really important. I think it applies in any relationship, but especially ones where you are around the person all the time.
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