I have read a few articles lately about frugal dating and talking money in a relationship, yet I am still not sure about that one. BF and I finished our motorcycle trip last month and he flew back to Guatemala, so we ended our relationship and I am thinking about dating again. Right now, I still miss him and I need a bit of time before I actually go back to dating, but since I am 32, and want to have a family someday, I know I can’t just go out for 2 years with someone without thinking that he could be ”the one”.
When I look back at my past relationships, I can now see clearly without so many emotions, that a lot of fights were about finances, and money. And I know that it causes a lot of divorces too. People don’t spend money the same way, some earn a lot less or a lot more than you, other are heavily in debt… Should you put your cards on the table straight away?
I am afraid that it may scare a few guys, and at the same time, if they can’t deal with my financial goals and situation, should we even start dating? Here is my situation: I make money to support myself and live a free, deliberate, simple life. I work less, so I can have a lot of free time and travel, that means that I also earn less. I don’t need the guy to pay for everything that we may do together and I won’t be living at his place after two weeks of dating! But down the line, I hope to be a stay at home mum because I think that is the best situation for a family, I can cook, raise the kids, and take care of everything so that weekends are quality family time and everyone is taken care of.
I thought first about offering some frugal dating ideas to potential dates, for two reasons. First, the guy who is able to have a picnic in the park is more likely to be my kind of guy. Then, if we don’t get along, I can just wrap up my picnic and go, I don’t have to wait for a three-course meal, and the awkward moment when you hope he’ll pick up the bill for this disastrous encounter, yet offer to pay a whopping $50 a pop for steak and mash.
And then, right away, on the first date, I want to start hinting at financial situation. A common question is to know the guy’s living situation, so I can gather if he bought or rented. The kind of job gives me a rough salary rank, and with a few more questions, I can know where his money is spent. I don’t want to be nosy, but I like financially sound people, who have their finances together, I don’t mind debt or low salaries, as long as the person is on top of it. And I think asking all this early is not the norm, but I don’t want to be blinded by other feelings down the road when I discover all the financial mess my date is in!
What do you think? Is that a bit too much?