Please welcome Natalie from over at Everything Finance, who will talk about keeping up with your neighbors financially. Everything Finance is a site about just that, everything related to finance. You can get information about investing, insurance, shopping, blogging, and making money online. Let me know if you would like to guest post on RFI.
We have all been there. You neighbor pulls up in his/her driveway with a brand new car and you instantly get a case of the green envies or that’s what I like to call it. You instantly start feeling bad about yourself and your financial situation. It doesn’t matter how many things you have or what is going on in your life. At the moment, you may feel insignificant despite all the good things in your life. You may get depressed and even feel encouraged to blow a bunch of cash just to feel validated.
This is a common situation that many people identify with every day. Our culture basically throws consumerist images at your face at every twist and turn. Our culture is one that is obsessed with celebrities and everything that they buy. The majority of these things like designer handbags are out of reach for the average person. Despite this, many people make themselves feel bad or put themselves in debt because they desire these fancy trinkets. Credit card debt is such a serious problem in part because of the crazy, silly spending that fuels it.
Keeping things in perspective is an excellent way to keep you from feeling envious of other people. Remember that you don’t know how the person purchased the items. They may be knee deep in credit debt or not paying essential bills. They may have the money to comfortably afford those expensive things, but that is not productive for you. Instead of feeling jealous or anxious, feel inspired to work harder to earn more in order to get the things you truly want. Sometimes seeing other people achieve things can be the motivating factor to achieve your dreams.
Finding things in your life to be grateful for can be another way to combat the feeling of needing to buy things. It can be hard but having that healthy appreciation for what is in your life will help. Take time to count your blessings and you will truly be happy. Make lists if you need it. Take the time to verbally say out loud what is making you happy in your life. Reciting how you feel can really do wonders for your self-esteem and keep you away from the temptation of spending thousands on things you don’t need.
Keeping up with your friends and neighbors can be very stressful. Sometimes the best thing to do is to disassociate from the situation and be grateful for what you have. You can also take it as an opportunity to motivate yourself to be more hard working. If you can find healthy ways with dealing with envy, then you have a much better chance of not feeling the temptation to spend and spend. Keeping up with the neighbors can make you feel better in the short run, but it can potentially destroy your finances. No fun indeed.
This post was featured on the Financial Freedom Pages, Carnival of Financial Planning, thank you!
There’s definitely an issue in our society with what people perceive as “normal” possessions, where they feel bad if they don’t have them. It’s hard not to fall victim to at least the feeling from time to time, but that’s when it’s important to re-focus on your real goals.
I agree with this, and it’s hard to restrain yourself at times. But I take pride in the fact that I’m going the unconventional route to wealth. Keeping up with the neighbors is an excellent way to derail your goals!
There’s definitely healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with envy you might feel towards neighbors. You alluded to it but it can motivate you to work harder so that you too can have certain things – just make sure they are things that you actually want and are not just things you want because your neighbors have them. I think it can be tough when your neighbors are the same age as opposed to somewhat older than you. For some reason we feel like we should always be on the same financial level as our peers.
My Dad would always comment growing up that so many people in big houses in our area had nothing inside their homes -i.e. they were mortgaged to the hilt and could afford nothing else. That just goes back to your point that we have no idea how those around us purchase things, it might be on credit or something like that. The key is to be happy with what you have and not focus on what those around you have.
I think if we should focus on our goal so that we’ll not be distracted on the material possession of our neighbor. Sometimes those things are only to show up their false status symbol.
I know one family they are sending their kids to private school but yearly they asking us to borrow money. Just recently they want to borrow again to buy a brand new car.
Everyone should focus on their own goals and look to other people for advice and inspiration. Never should other people’s actions be a catalyst for your personally making a detrimental decision in life!
Its just human to compare, to wonder, to imagine what our neighbors are up-to. We are curious lot and there is little we can do to avoid that. So what do we do then:-
a) Be happy, thankful and content with what we already have, daily gratitude = daily happiness
b) We can learn from our neighbors…either from the success and having the ability to purchase whatever they do or learn what to avoid from the folly of their financial mistakes.
Bottom line though…keeping up with the Jones is a terrible idea one bound to leave you frustrated, better focus on improving oneself.
Both me and my husband are too ‘old’ for these tricks anymore. Sure, they worked 10 years ago on us, but now we’re more focused on our own family and life to bother with what others are driving/owning.
I feel this way sometimes when I get on FB. But I’ve found some perspective about it when I think that FB is just showing everyone’s highlight reel and you don’t know what is going on behind the scenes.
I think there is a certain natural instinct to compare our lives with others. Unfortunately, so many people spend their lives chasing after the Joneses and buying things they may not even really care about. I’ve been spending more time with the girls trying to instill an appreciation of the good things others have while at same time appreciating the things they have.
Most of the people I know have nicer stuff than we do and I’m okay with that. I feel good that I could buy the things I want if I really wanted to.
I get envious when I see my friends commit to expensive outings and get togethers with no second thought. I can never just say yes, I always have to assess the situation and see if it’s financially viable and if I can somehow do it cheaper.
Nice post Pauline. I learned not to try and keep up with my neighbours a few years ago and feel a lot better because of it
This is such a serious problem – the example about the neighbor’s new car is somewhat universal. You just have to remember that everyone’s circumstances are different. Nobody has everything. If they just bought a new car, it may be because their business is doing well, or because they’re drowning in debt (as you mentioned). And you can count on owning something that your neighbour envies you over. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. You’re on your own in this life. No point in racing with anyone other than yourself.
I’ve recently cut people out of my life that I was envious of, and that played into all of that. I think it’s okay to be competitive with somebody -that’s where a lot of motivation comes from – but we all live different lives and take different paths, and so being envious of the items that somebody else has is a pointless and expensive emotion.
Great article, Natalie! I always try and remember too that there will always be someone who as more stuff than me so it’s no use trying to be the “best” or have the “most”.
I used to try to keep up with neighbors when I was younger. It just doesn’t make sense. Be happy with what you have and keep your eye on your goals. For me, buying all that stuff simply pushed me away from my ultimate goal of financial independence.
Great inspirational post! I’m featuring it in my latest roundup.
I know I’m weird.
When I see someone driving around a new car, or having just spent some ridiculous amount of money, I pity them. Granted, that’s my projection of my values on their existence, but I’d much rather save my money to use on things that matter most to me. Conspicuous consumption just doesn’t matter to me at this point in the game.
People matter. Relationships matter. Everything else is just stuff you have to deal with.