Mr and Mrs PoPs over at Planting our Pennies were talking last week about the guilt some people are feeling when quitting their jobs. I really can’t relate, as to me a job is what it is, a job. My boss is using me to do a job and I allow him to use me in exchange for money. He would dispose of me as soon as I am not productive enough, or not making him enough money, without bating an eye. So why would I care about his feelings and putting the company in a complicated situation if I quit?
To put it simply, I never cared about my different jobs, they were just a way for me to eat and put a roof over my head. I like my current travel writing gig, but I wouldn’t compromise any of my personal health, balance, or anything other than the dedicate the minimum time required to do the job. Some people are the opposite.
I have reconnected recently with two persons who both have had for the past 10 years or so very demanding jobs. I am not talking Wall Street demanding, I mean really emotionally draining job. One is a social worker for people already classified as ”lost causes” and the other one is on the emergency team for an NGO, she has seen death, starvation, extreme crisis, and has had to deal with limited funds and means to help people.
Both are single ladies, in their mid-thirties and mid-forties, and both took those jobs because they felt strongly about the cause. They make very little money for the amount of work that they do, and for the impact that their job has on them. Both have been badly depressed for a few years. The oldest one never married or had kid. The youngest is single too and hasn’t settled. I understand that they found a vocation, that they deeply want to help people, but first, if they are in bad shape, they can’t help many people, and then, if their jobs make them miserable, why not quit and look for what makes them happy?
I was miserable at my old job too. I couldn’t stand the people I was working with, they loved to make my life impossible, so for the last few months I limited my interactions to saying ”hi” and ”good evening” at the end of the day. Why was I staying? Because I needed a working history to buy a home. When I did, I waited for a few more month, until it was bonus time, got my check and quit. I tolerated my horrible days because I had a goal. And that goal made all the pain go away, as the reward would be so sweet.
My two friends have a more honorable goal. They want to make the world a better place. But I am not sure they are doing anyone a favor by keeping a job that depresses them so much. There are many ways to help people. And many personalities. Some people can deal with death, like doctors or funeral home workers. They can go home and think about their life. I tried to tell them to change jobs, and both said something like ”if I don’t do it, who will”. I strongly disagree. If you don’t do it, someone who is more prepared emotionally will take over, and do a much better job.
Those two girls are extreme cases. But many people give too much to their jobs, and never receive anything in return. Both my mum and my sister bring some work home after working full time, and never get paid extra hours. Many friends are too afraid to ask for a raise. One even went on a business trip for a full month because he was promised a big bonus, came back and his boss invented a lie not to pay him! He went back to work on the following day, and has been ever since.
I chose to live MY life, for me, for my loved ones, certainly not for my job. I chose to be happy, before I can think about making my boss happy. And I am not afraid to quit and go look for something else if I don’t get what I think I deserve.
I am very much an all or nothing type guy. I have bought in 100% and will give it everything I have. So long as I continue to reap the rewards, then I am happy 🙂
I gave it all with my last job, but had a sneaky boss who would promise something and do the opposite, he would judge your “work performance” on how much he liked you instead of actual work! I am much happier being my own boss now…
I give my job 100% when I am there, but when I leave I try very hard not to worry about it at all. In the end, it is just a job…..a way to pay my bills!
It looks like you have the right attitude and perspective, being able to leave your job without thinking too much about it. I wish my friends could do the same.
I try to do more than it’s required for my job. This is not for keeping my job but to build a habit to give more than expected.
I hope your hard work is rewarded Parvinder! This can lead you to great things if people notice and appreciate your efforts.
Good post. I agree that you have to choose to live your life for you and making yourself and family, not others like a boss, happy. If your miserable in your work then it will eventually bleed over in to other areas of your life. In that case, you really have two choices…either change your attitude, or look for other opportunities. Many times I find that looking for other opportunities are the key to helping improve your life.
You are right John, in this case the two girls are really consumed by their jobs, and I don’t think they can go back to not caring about the people they help every day. I asked one ”in a perfect world, what would you do?” and she dreamed about a simple job she could start as a side hobby, so I hope she will go ahead and find happiness.
I think perhaps a little different about it.
The harder I work now, the more it will pay off in the future. So I work hard and hope to make more money in the future so I can reach all of my personal (not work) goals, like owning a house, travelling, having children, etc.
So I put quite a bit into my job right now. But – big but – I try not to think about work when I’m not there, and I leave it at work. That’s important to me.
That is a good approach Daisy! I know you need to work hard for your future goals and will certainly reap the rewards later. In this case I am worried about my friends because their jobs really depress them and one doesn’t even sleep at night! They give all they can humanly give all day and have lost their personal balance. This is not uncommon with teachers, social helpers, NGO volunteers… to start with the best motivation, give to much, and burn out.
Being self-employed both my wife and I give 100% to our jobs. We both love what we do and know if we don;t give it everything we don’t get paid.
I also give 100% when I work for myself! It is so rewarding to think that everything you do will benefit you and your wife. Loving what you do is icing on the cake.
Pauline,
I really like your perspective on jobs.
I too have had to bite the bullet and work at jobs that were not satisfying. I wasn’t able to quit, because of what I felt was the need to bring home the bread and the health insurance, for a young family.
But, I did start up a business in my spare time buying fixer upper houses and turning them into rental properties. So, even though I wasn’t satisfied with my 9 to 5 job, I had some degree of satisfaction because I was gradually building up my part-time business, to eventually replace my day job.
We have a pretty similar approach Terry. It take patience and time to build a side business, but the day you can quit an unsatisfying job to be your own boss full time is amazing! Congratulations on the work achieved.
I couldn’t stay at a job for 10 years that made me miserable. I feel guilty when I quit any job, but only before I give my notice, then the guilt lifts off my shoulders quite nicely!
The moment when you know you want out and haven’t quit yet is always awkward. But you need to have your own best interests at heart, your company will always move on!
Hey you’ve updated your blog? Looks different! Ugh, you know, some employers take it the wrong way when you try to quite or deny their offer. Work is work, business is business, life is something else entirely so leave business out of it when it comes to quitting. Employers will always find someone else, it’s just another person doing another job for an income. There is absolutely nothing to be guilty about, when life says “hey, this is too much, or I can’t take it” just follow your gut. Unless you are part of a startup that relies on you for survival I wouldn’t be worry about feeling any sort of guilt quitting a job – especially an established one.
I have changed a few things but still lots of work to do!! You are right, no one is irreplaceable and some people worry too much about the fate of a company that will do just fine without them. My two friends are different though, as they are kind of saving the world, which is noble but is draining their energy. They won’t quit for not abandoning people in need.
The thing is, a job is necessary in many cases. Do I absolutely love what I’m doing? No. Do I enjoy it more than most things I could be doing and getting paid the same? Yes. I’m all for looking for other opportunities and not staying in a crappy job, though. I think people should always be thinking about what their next step is and plan for worst case scenarios.
Maximizing the money/job interest ratio is pretty smart! My friends didn’t figure out their next move soon enough, got burned out and now one is even in sick leave for depression, I hope she finds a new career she loves soon.
“If I don’t do it, who will?” I have heard this so many times from friends and from my own employees. My answer is that there will ALWAYS be someone. You may do a great job, but you are kidding yourself if you think there is no one else that can do the same thing. If you love it continue. If it makes you miserable, find something else. Life is too short to be a martyr.
Kim you read my mind, life IS too short! I hope the martyrs realize it soon and start being happy.
Excellent advice!